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Recently I've got
an interesting talk with my friend, who has SMA III and uses
her wheelchair since she was 12. Ann told about her two friends
with the same disease, age, similar appearance and more or less
equal level of life. It's strange how different way people could
use the possibilities received from destiny. There is opinion
that everyone in the world has the same quantity of joy and
sadness. But
why reach a lot and feel quite happy while the others who
started from the same point, they are always failure? It's easy
to think that just illness has taken all chances of being happy.
Well, so every disabled should be unhappy quite the same way.
The truth of life shows that often we ourselves don't want to
notice the opened doors in front of us. Every day brings a tiny
chance to change everything around us, to become more lucky and
start accepting all sides of this world.
It's quite usual for a disabled person here in Russia to lead
the isolated style of life. Ann's friends are a bright example
of such stereotype. They are 25, living with their parents, who
don't like any kind of visits to their daughters. Everyday life
is full of problems if there is a disabled person in the family.
A stranger could only
disturb so what for to double discomfort. These girls carry a
great load of guilty on their shoulders. Many times they were
said how hard to take care of them and the only way to make
their fault less it's to be good girls, who demands nothing.
There isn't possibility to go for a walk more often than once a
year? No problem, we can stand this.
They never had boyfriends, never dated, never felt true women.
It seems there are only walls around them, the walls made of
bricks with only word written on them: NEVER.
And now let's look at Ann's style of life. As I told before, she
has the same conditions as her friends do. But why her
wheelchair doesn't stop her from changing boyfriends as often as
any health girl of her age do? She knows how to make a man to
loose his head, sex isn't a dream for her, it's her reality.
Right now she is going to move to her new boyfriend and stay her
parents' flat at last. I wouldn't say that her mom and dad are
more tolerant or understanding than others' two girls ones. It's
normal for any parents in every corner of the world
to protect their ill child from all kind of danger. What could
bring falling in love for a disabled girl? Sure, only
disappointment, because men can only use them but never would
spend the whole life with such a person. Such idea is very
popular among the most of disabled kid's parents. Ann's ones
also tried to defend her from the cruel reality. She could be a
good mom's daughter and live only with her dreams about a
perfect man, who would come and save her. Yes, she could, but
Ann had enough courage to take risk and go through disappointed
moments. Her health boyfriends twice left her and it happened
after 3 years of wonderful relationship with every of them. The
man took care of her, tried to find the way to heal her, spent
all free time by her side and traveled together with her...One
day he just came and said that it's time for him to think
serious about future and by sure creating family with her wasn't
in his plans. How did she feel after hearing such words from two
her boyfriends you can imagine yourself. Do you think that Ann
decided never date again? Not at all, her life isn't finished,
there are a lot of interesting persons around.
Why do some people take risk without fearing to fall and break
their heart? What stops others from realizing that wheelchair
isn't an excuse for their loneliness? They say, a man is ready
to fall in love with any woman, but he isn't ready to spend long
time with each one.
Every joke has a part of truth. There are cases when a healthy
man marry a disabled woman. Are they crazy? Every person in love
is partly crazy as the last resources say :)
Alas, it isn't so easy to make a girl believe in herself, to
find a woman inside herself and get her free. Should she wait
for a helper from outside or fight through by her own forces?
What advice would you give her? Do you think the words could be
useful in such situation? I hope to get some letters from those
who met similar problems and found answers for themselves. Share
your experience and perhaps you could help someone to change the
life.
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(All names aren't real, but the stories are quite true) |
Irina |
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Your answers |
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Your article is heart stirring and motivating. Although I
never had a disabling disease, I know
very well what it's like to go through life
without a boyfriend and never hoping to have one.
It's distressing to say the least. My
parents were also overprotective of me, to the point where I
could not meet anyone new without having their
permission. My friends were never
invited over to the house for fear that my parents wouldn't
approve of them, and boyfriends were
a hopeless dream. A parent feels that it's their
duty to protect a person from the unpleasant things
in life and forget that a person
should never be protected from love just because they might
get hurt. All good things in life are
worth getting hurt over at least once and
learning to deal with the pain of heartache and
betrayal is part of growing up. I
will admit that I wasn't kept as isolated as a person in a
wheelchair is in some parts of the
world, but there's a much different kind of pain
being alone in a crowd, where you're tolerated but
not allowed to be yourself or have
any real friends. |
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Shanon
(Denmark) |
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Life is a strange thing. Why
does some comes in this world with plenty of
money and others are starving and have to fight for a
shitty piece of bread ? Why are
some filling pretty well and other are dealing with some
diseases? Why why why ...
I'm dealing with military history since I am 13 years
old ... and sometime I ask me this
question : Why does a little kid that's just 6
years old get killed with a laying down and
forgotten hand grenade 60 years after
the end of the war. Why does people making war ? what for ?
... Meditation ... God ... Allah ...
Mohammed... Buddha .... etc etc ... where
are all those peoples?
This would be a fact if the "world" would be everywhere the
same but it isn't that way. Look at
the US ... they spend Billions and Billions (like the
Russians did) to "supposedly" walk on the moon and all this
for nothing ... They are able to send someone on the
moon and in Russia I know a beautiful girl that would give
anything to walk a simple
"meter" ... Do they care about that ?
This is the way it goes cause if your dad would be in the
Mafia, he would have a lot money and
you would still be ill but you would have
all medicine treatment you need.
I think, it's easy to deal when you are not into a
problem but I have some life
experience and I see that at least there is always a hat for
any head ... And again the same thing
... $$$$$ money ... If you would be millionaire
you would have as many boyfriend as you would like. A
lot would be fake but it's at least
good for gaining experience in life.
Just be patient even when it's hard. Be patient. One day
this will change and you know it. It
take time sometime. |
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Gunter (Belgium) |
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I guess, there isn't big difference between those on
wheelchairs and ones on their own
feet. Perhaps, it's only the question of more
emotional tension. It's well known that the highest
level of suicides is among health men
(15-25 age). The happiness isn't something
outside us, it doesn't depends on the health, money
or surrounding.
Mostly, we should look for the reserves inside ourselves. |
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Stef (Israel) |
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